I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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