Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
