ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
