She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
