I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
