You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
