omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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