Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize