sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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