pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I checked into jail on foursquare
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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