You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you never un-have a 4some
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
