The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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