I cannot find my penis.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
