I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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