This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
