guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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