I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
