And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
