They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
