My Higher Power is John Stamos
Everything about him screamed your future.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
