HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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