everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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