Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
