she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
