so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
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Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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