i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I believe in your delicious
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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So. Much. Porn.
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