I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
