we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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