A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
nutella sex= disaster
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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