idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
