i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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