he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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