It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
