Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just cut my nipple shaving
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
