Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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