I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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