Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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