We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
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This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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