The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we should paint friendship bongs
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
