you have to choose: penises or morals?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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