we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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