That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
