just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
