someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
