i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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