this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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