Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
