I feel great
I just peed on a car
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize