You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
