We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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