Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
