listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i need some magic done to my vagina
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
