party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
