I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
