that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
