I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
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It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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