alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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