I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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