watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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