Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
