So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
