If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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