dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
