Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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