i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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