Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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