OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
