i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
