friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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