My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
