I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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