Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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