at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
