He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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