The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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