Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
